June, 2012
We had thick tomato soup and
cheesy croutons and it was all very nice, except that they had butchered old
hardback books to make a fancy display of fake bookshelves in the gents toilets,
and there were pages of vintage Punch magazines papering the walls.
We
listened to two older ladies having their lunch, discussing their book club
choices, and the BBC coverage of the Jubilee. ‘That young presenter is lovely
on Countryfile but he was out of his depth with the flotilla. None of it was
respectful enough, was it?’
Then
it was all talk of hip replacements, and the kind of help you get. ‘With me,
they came out to the house and they were measuring everything, checking the
distances between things, so I would have my maneuverability. And then they
brought out the – you know – the little toilet thing to the house. Delivered it
and, when it was finished with, they came and picked it up for the next person
to use.’
It’s
been quite different for a mutual friend of the ladies – a male friend - who’s
due to have his op soon. The old man has been told that they won’t be coming
out to his actual house to see him. ‘They’ve told him – you can come up here
and pick up your own toilet. But then, you see, they’re just chucking money
away because they’ve told him – we won’t be taking it away for you. You might
as well toss it out. It isn’t worth our while.’
The
friend considers this. ‘Is it because he’s a man?’
‘No,
it’s the cuts. Things are different now. There’s been all the cuts since I went
under the knife.’
‘What
a waste of a good toilet!’
‘They
said it’s not worth our while sterilizing it for someone else. And the next
person would rather have new, anyway. And so you see, this is what I mean. This
is where all the money goes. It’s the throwaway society.’
‘Hm.
It’s gone very quiet in here, hasn’t it? Shall we go into Windermere, to that
place with the cake..?’
‘We
could go mad, couldn’t we? But here, let me give you half for this coffee…’
*
(This is an excerpt from 'Tapas in Ambleside', newly available on my Patreon page - www.patreon.com/Paulmagrs )
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