THE CHRISTMAS UNICORN by
Verity Flan.
Alice Wiggins was orphaned
and flung into the workhouse as a five year old. Now she’s a ravishing, feisty
and plucky, if clubfooted and blind eighteen year old. This Christmas she’s
been taken away from her life of poverty by Duncan Prime, the strapping son of
a wicked factory owner who has designs not only upon her body but also the
marvelous designs she has created for magical new Christmas toys. However, so
noxious is the paint being applied to all the toys manufactured by Prime Goods,
it is slowly poisoning all of their workers so that they are going out of their
minds as the Holiday Season approaches. What’s more, so powerful are their
hallucinations that the Christmas toys are actually coming to life and taking
revenge on nineteenth century Industrial Britain!
Fifty Shades of Craddock by B. D Essem
With her rich sauces, garish garnishes and
unusual way with stuffing, she is the most powerful and influential TV cook in
all the land. The whole country is in thrall to Fanny and so is young Johnny.
Having triumphed in a TV cooking competition he soon enters her inner sanctum,
and Fanny is intrigued by his deft way with pastry and his cool fingers. Fanny
has always had to put romance on the back burner for the sake of her career,
yet soon something something is bubbling between her and Johnny... He's dashing
and has a very twiddly moustache and she loves the way he gets her all stirred
up... But is he just after her dough?
Young, attractive TV
presenter Emilia has a problem. She is famous for her intense empathy when
interviewing incredibly unlikable people on her morning television show – ‘Woke
Up, Britain!’ and somehow she is able to make the public fall in love with even
completely twattish horrors. Her show is the one that every single despicable
public figure desperately wants to appear on. However, what no one knows is
that Emilia has a problem. She goes home at night and drinks a bottle of brandy
and then she spends all night pretending to be all kinds of hideous people,
stirring up trouble on social media. Enter: Nigel Slope, teenage hacker. He’s
uncovered the secret of Emilia’s shit-stirring life and he’s threatening to
tell all – unless she marries and gives him sex and everything, plus all her
stuff, and also a TV show of his own..!
White Goods by William Bong.
At first it hardly seemed like a violent
uprising at all, but the day that the Hoover turned on Kevin was actually the
beginning of the end. Soon all the reconditioned electrical appliances in the
shared house are out to kill all the students who live there. The fridge turns
everything to poison overnight, the television shows pictures no one ever wants
to see, the answer machine plays messages from the dead and the iron steams
poor Stephanie's face off. The survivors of this shared house of horror must
bond together and pull the plug before the whole lot goes off with bloody big
Bang!
JACK SHIT by Derek Vim
Thirty-Second in the
Thrilling Pensive series! This time, ex-FBI agent Jack Pensive goes undercover
as part of a team of miniaturized surgeons performing an invasive procedure
actually inside the US President’s diseased small colon. There’s a crazed tiny
terrorist aboard the futuristic ship for this Fantastic Voyage up Shit Creek!
But can Jack Pensive work out in time just who the traitor in this crack squad
might be before they do something impossibly awful to the Commander-in-Chief’s
appalling insides?
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