In Season Thirteen

 

In Season Thirteen

 

1

 

 

Hiya Fam!

 

Well..! You’ll never guess..! Never in a million years!

            It’s a good job I dropped you all back on Earth. It was just in time! Seriously! If you all knew what was happening to me you would all be wishing yourselves back in Sheffield.

            I’m in prison!

            Prison!!

            I know, right?

            There I was, reeling from all the to-do’s and carry on’s that we’d all been having recently. I’d barely had time to catch me flippin’ breath, let alone deal with all the mad repercussions of the stuff I’d learned in our most recent adventure when… BAM! Here come the space police. Flippin’ rhinos bursting into the TARDIS. (I know they’re not supposed to be able to do that. It’s been a few incursions we’ve had in recent times. Dunno what’s going on there. I’d have a look into the ship’s defences if I wasn’t currently ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FLIPPIN’ UNIVERSE.)

            Because that’s where I am. My cell has got a little tiny window and I’ve studied the stars very carefully. I’m absolutely MILES away.

            But never mind! I’m sure there’s a good reason! I’m sure they want my help with something. Something important and really complicated. Or otherwise it’s just a colossal misunderstanding or something. Bound to be.

            I thought I’d write to you all anyway. Tell you what’s going on. Not sure how I’ll send it though. I’ll find a way eventually, I suppose.

            From what I’ve picked up they call this space prison ‘Season 13.’ Unlucky for some, eh?!

 

*

 

Well. It’s a bit later. I’ve had me tea.

            Today was a bit different. They let me out of my cell!

            Wouldn’t say much. Just shouted at me to get out and quick march down the corridor to the dining room. Not many friendly faces in there. Pretty grim, really. All these women queuing up for not very nice-looking soup. Ah, well. At least I got to stretch me legs and see a few other faces. Even if they weren’t very hospitable-looking ones!

            As you know, Fam, I like to put the best spin on things. I like to see the best in everything. I’m sure all this will turn out just fine. Everything always turns out for the best, doesn’t it?

            Of course it does!

 

*

 

I’ve had a few funny dreams. I haven’t slept much really, since I’ve been here, but when I have I’ve had very giddy, sick-making dreams. I keep seeing HIS face. Laughing at me. Like a maniac. Well, that’s what he is, of course, so there’s no surprises there. But he’s really laughing a lot and being quite nasty and personal actually.

            I’d actually thought we’d sorted out all our old issues, but this past year he’s been really awful. Really bullying, actually. This latest thing of his, it was the worst thing ever, I think. It wasn’t bad enough that he’d actually managed to kill off all the Time Lords this time (or so he says) and converted all their dead bodies into Cybermen (I know, right?) but then he got really personal and nasty with me. With me in particular.

            I’m a bit hazy on the details because I’d had a bit of a bang on the head, and I was kind of stood there clinging to the wall in what used to be the Panopticon of the Capitol, back in the old days. He kept talking for ages. Well, for ages and ages, actually. He’s a bloke once more, so he really likes the sound of his own voice.

            And guess what? He was coming out with all this stuff about how I’m older than I even thought I was! He kept going on and on about it. He was like, you think all this about yourself and you assume all that about yourself. You think you know who you are and all that kind of thing. But you don’t! You know nothing! There’s all these dark secrets and stuff that no one ever told you about!

            And I was like, yeah, yeah, you don’t know anything either, matey. Really, I just wanted to go to sleep because it had been a run of really tiring stories, actually. I’d barely had a chance to have a proper sit down. But he’s like, no, no, no! You have to understand! I’m going to explain it all to you! Just you watch this screen and there’ll be some clips and stuff coming up to explain it all!

            Well, I thought – ugh. I hate a montage. I hate being tied up and having flippin’ clips shown to me. I’m like, what do I want to look backwards for? I’m all about the future, me! I’ve already done all the past!

            But he was like, You’re gonna love this! Just wait and see!

 

*

           

So, this is what I’ve been dreaming about, in the hours that I can dream, here in my space prison on the other side of the galaxy. How I’m older than I ever dreamed about. How I’m this and that and the other. How I’m not even who I thought I was in the first place.

            Well, whoop-de-doo.

            I’ve tried getting in touch with some of those earlier selves. The ones I remember and the ones I don’t. Kind of like sending out a psychic lasso. Maybe they’ll come. Maybe they’ll care.

            I’ll sign off here for now.

            Things are perking up here, actually. There’s a nice woman I got chatting to when they let us out in the yard for exercise hour. She’s what they call an old lag. She’s going to show me the ropes. Says she’s in a blues band and they need a keyboardist. I told her – I’m hoping I won’t be here all that long! I’m hoping to start my travels in time and space again soon!

            Oh, she says. Time and space, eh? Another one, eh? And then she laughed. ‘We’ve got another of your sort in here.’

 

*

 

Doc!

You’ll never get this, so why am I even bothering?

            But thanks a bunch. Thanks a lot.

            Of all the times and places to drop us off!

            Not just us – not just me and Yasmin and Ryan. The others. Those poor buggers from the far future you rescued. You dumped them in Sheffield, too.

            You dumped them and us in Sheffield.

            In March 2020.

            March 2020.

            Didn’t it ring any bells?

            What were you thinking of, Doc?

            I’ve not left the house for five months. Lucky I’ve got Ryan going out for all the necessaries He’s not much cop with a shopping list. But you’ve got to see the irony. We used to go everywhere, didn’t we? The universe was our oyster! Now I have a walk round and round the back garden and I feel like I’m having a trip out. Really, Doc, I’m clawing the walls here.

It’s been bloody awful. We’re living on spaghetti hoops.

            I’ve gotta ask you…

            Where the hell did you get to..?

And when are you coming back..?

 

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